'Sunset over a River'
When moving into an apartment in mid-October 2020, I wanted to give a gift to the family I rent from. The gift was to express gratitude for such a lovely place to live and having the apartment so well-prepared for the move-in. I could see they took pride in their work.
I had been around the family enough to sense, based mainly on conversation, they were likely conservative Christians. I felt their good-heartedness, also.
I have never known how conservative Christians would respond to my book, An Ache for Union: Poems on Oneness with God through Love. Mostly, the feedback has been positive from conservative to liberal Christians, including evangelicals. The last conservative evangelical, of the Church of the Nazarene, who read the book rated it five stars out of five and wrote a glowing review.
I chose to take what felt like a small risk and order the book for my new proprietors. I did. After sending the book, I questioned if I had acted wisely. I wondered if I was revealing too much of myself, especially too soon, to new acquaintances. I was opening the door wide for the recipients to see me more in-depth. There is a difference between opening yourself up to persons you will never meet, such as online, but another matter to those you will live among. And writers cannot hide in their writing - their writing is self-revelation.
Over weeks what kept returning to me is - Sometimes you give something, not calculating the response. I knew this meant the act of giving the book was good and not to doubt that based on the uncertainty of how the recipients would receive it. I felt the concern recede. I sensed joy that I had given the book and what that gift meant to me.
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This experience can apply to giving anything, including ourselves. Many of us have felt our self not appreciated, denied, even betrayed after we offered ourselves kindly to others. We have known the contrary, also.
However, we cannot be fully alive without giving ourselves. All Nature lives by giving itself. And, if we give ourselves, we do not know how others will respond to that gift. Yet, grandeur of spirit is in the giving, regardless.
The only way to engage life faithfully and joyfully is to pour ourselves out. We do this, and in doing so, we receive the most excellent gift: the love that prompted the gift. For the love and the gift are a unity. And each small gift we give, even a smile or kind word, is the offering of ourselves, for with the gift goes the self. Yet, this is never our diminishment, regardless of response, for we grow and know enrichment thereby.
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And, at last, we can give our bodies back to Earth-and-Sky - Nature - or for research. I have chosen cremation. I can honor the blessing - body - given by returning it after its demise, rather than wanting it preserved as long as possible. How blessed to go out giving back such an incredible gift of sacred architecture we lived with and through during our stay here.
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*(C) Brian K. Wilcox, 2020
*Brian's book, An Ache for Union: Poems on Oneness with God through Love, can be ordered through major online booksellers or the publisher AuthorHouse. The book is a collection of poems based on mystical traditions, especially Christian and Sufi, with extensive notes on the teachings and imagery in the poetry.
